The Joke Thread

Post your jokes in this thread. Post Dirty Jokes like you post spoilers.

a guy put two muffins in an oven
one muffin said to another "gee its hot in here"
the other said "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

LOL

XD

a broad wanted to make fun of a blonde, so she took a boat and began rowing on the side of a road flipping off blondes. a blonde parked next to the broad and yelled out. "WELL YEAH?! YOUR LUCKY I CANT SWIM OR ID COME OVER THERE AND BREAK OFF YOUR FINGER!!"

A Blonde, A red head, a Brunette and an old lady are standing at the gates of heaven.

God says "Due to over population in heaven, we are only acceptinga few ppl. So, i put in front of you 3 steps. I will tell a joke on each step. If you laugh, you go to hell. Simple. '

The countdown begins. They take the first step, the Brunette laughs, and goes to hell.
The second step. Old lady laughs and goes to hell
Third step. Red head laughs n goes to hell.
The blonde walks into Heaven.
Suddenly she starts laughing like hell.
God: What happened ?
Blonde: I just got the first Joke

(XD omg...)

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

There were two men walking through the woods when they cam across a massive hole in the ground.

"I wonder how deep it is" said the first man. So he chucked a rock in, but they didn't hear it hit the bottom.

"Hmmm lets try something bigger" said the second man. They chucked a a bigger rock in. Still no sound.

"We need to find something bigger" said the first man. So he went and found a motorbike and chucked that in.

Suddenly a goat came charging past them and jumped in the hole.

As they were running off they met a farmer who asked them if they'd seen his goat.

"A goat just jumped into that hole back there" said the first man.

"That couldn't have been my goat" said the farmer "mine was tied to a motorbike..."

ki willow wrote:

a guy put two muffins in an oven
one muffin said to another "gee its hot in here"
the other said "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

ZOMG! NO FAIR! YOU STOLE MY JOKE!
and its different....>.>

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

A blonde once texted me saying
"What does idk stand for?"
I replied
"I don't know."
She replied back saying.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD NO ONE DOES!"

......

You loved it

i know, but my mirth beseiged me from typing in my thoughts.

Ki Willow wrote:

a guy put two muffins in an oven
one muffin said to another "gee its hot in here"
the other said "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

No really, this one is so funny xD
Its sure that I read it at 2 am but still its funny XD